Hangin' It Up

I've always been told that healthcare providers are the worst patients. I agree. We know too much. We self treat. We self diagnose. We're never wrong. We're never sick. We know more than most doctors. I usually tell my patients, as I'm sticking them, that it's odd that I have to hurt them to make them feel better. I also tell patients that medicine is called a "practice" because it's just that; it's NOT an exact science.

I've wondered, more often recently than before, about the future. What will I do? Will I keep in the healthcare field? How long is too long? Am I burned out? Have I had enough? Do I still love it, have the passion for it, want to educate and impart my experiences to others?

Things now aren't what they used to be. Instead of people bossing me around and telling me what to do I'm kind of in that seat now. Our generation is taking over from another one and we're molding the next generation to take over from us. It's kind of neat to see people I grew up with running things, owning businesses, making money and having families and doing all the things we watched our parents do.

I am a picky person. I don't settle for second best. I know what I like and that's it. I don't accept change very easily unless I can see benefit and immediate results from it. I used to act first and think second but now I've changed that. I try to take my time and make informed decisions and calls before I pass judgment on someone or something. I try to not let biases get in my way.

I, like most, get fed up with the system. I get tired of hearing bullshit complaints from nurses, doctors, hospitals, or patients about something we did supposedly wrong. It takes my time and energy away from doing my job to investigate things and back my staff up. It's a pain. First off, are they not accountable? Why am I getting the call and not them? Well, I am in the head chair so it is kinda my job. But hearing bullshit complaints and dealing with petty issues that need to be resolved elsewhere grows old.

Another issue I have is taking care of kids. Pediatric patients have always been tough no matter the situation. Having kids of my own makes it even tougher. I picture any pediatric patient I have as being one of my own. Can i give them the same treatment, the same compassion and care that I would if they were my own? Sure I could but I wouldn't want one of my kids to need my skills and knowledge. I would never want to stick a needle in my child's arm or immobilize them after a wreck or put them in a splint because they fell and broke their leg. I'd hate that. It hurts even now to see my kids get so upset when they get booster shots. I can see and hear the terror in their eyes and cries yet it's for their own healthy well-being.

I know I can't always make things right. I can't always kiss the oowies and make them go away. A hug doesn't work all the time or a rub on the head, a scratch of the back. Those times hurt when I can't make the pain go away, for my kids or someone else's.

You know, I've never, in 23+ years had an adult call that's bothered me. From my first cardiac arrest to being puked on to my first evisceration. I've seen a lot but not everything. The only run that still, to this day, bothers me is a pediatric one. I don't remember the name but I can remember all the minute details of who, when, where, what happened, almost regurgitate it from beginning to end. Almost 21 years ago that happened and I can remember it so vividly.

I see people who have been doing this for years and they get burned out. They lose their drive for helping others. I haven't gotten to that point but dealing with all the bullshit is old. I get tired of the lack of respect, the not getting answers, the accountability or lack thereof people tend to have.

I've contemplated for the last year of slowly letting myself out of this realm. I don't think I'm ready. The younger generation is up and coming and eager to step in to our shoes and push us to the back of the class as they assume their positions in front. I'm almost ready to see it happen but I have a little more left. For now, I'm where I'm at. If you don't like it then I say, "tough shit." Come at me with respect and desire and I'll help you get whatever you want. Come at me with disdain and laziness and I'll boot your ass out the door. I've earned the respect of my peers and I expect it to be shown to me as I'll show it back with eagerness.